7 ways to make your emails unprofessional
Proper email etiquette is something everyone should know if they want to be perceived as professionals. However, not everyone wants to be a professional. You can be the office goofball, butt of jokes, or simply that creep that everyone’s trying to avoid. If you don’t care what other people think or if you want to look like a fool online, here are some things you should do:
Write like a 13-year old clown. This includes using slang, sarcastic remarks, shorthand, etc. Begin all your emails with “Zup dudes!” and spl ol d wrds lyk dis (for the uninitiated: “spell all the words like this”). Or YoU cAn EvEn AlTeRnAtE CaPiTaLiZaTiOn - make the reader like she inadvertently got herself into a pre-teen chatroom. Don’t forget to end your email with “Bye losers!”. Your boss will love that one so much that you’ll receive a permanent vacation.
Attach heavy, high-resolution pictures of your family or office parties. Think high-res is just for graphic artists? Think again! You too can clog the inbox of some unsuspecting coworker. Why shouldn’t you? Of course they want to see 50 jpegs of your new baby! Also, the boss will truly appreciate that you spread around that candid shot you took of him while he was singing “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight” during the last office party. Why place these images onto Flickr or some photosharing website? You don’t want to make viewing these pics optional, do you?
Ignore the fact that your office emails may be intercepted. That kind of thing is pure paranoia. Companies don’t keep all incoming and outgoing email on some kind of server, so go ahead and use your company email to register on a BDSM dating website. Why keep your personal life personal? Take it a step further and email your nude pictures to your online Turkish lover. Don’t forget to list down all the office supplies you “borrowed” and email the list to a friend while you’re at it.
Don’t use the subject line. After all, it ruins the suspense of your email. The subject field of your email doesn’t even really do anything cool besides notify the recipient what the email is about so that they can see if it’s urgent or if they should file it away for later.
Forward away! If you don’t forward that chain letter, your wish won’t come true, you’ll be single for the rest of your life, and you’ll get a bad case of chlamydia. Also, if you think it’s a funny email, everyone else will think so too! So forward that lengthy joke email. Why deprive your coworkers of some great laughs? Especially if they have to go through a long list of “Sent to:” addresses and endless lines of “>>>>>>>>>>>>>>” to get to the punchline.
Don’t proofread your email before you send it. It’s unnecessary and boring. After all, wouldn’t it be really funny if you send an email to the wrong person? It’s even funnier if you get to type “I’ll do my breast” when you really wanted to say “I’ll do my best”. Think of all the fun you’ll miss out on if you proofread.
If you have a business email address, don’t check it regularly. Trust me, you won’t receive any important emails. Plus, you can avoid reading that “You’re fired!” email from your boss.
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7 opinions for 7 ways to make your emails unprofessional
Kristen King
Oct 17, 2020 at 2:07 pm
Poor e-mail etiquette is one of my biggest pet peeves. Just because it’s not on paper doesn’t mean it’s not an important reflection of your professionalism!
kk
Mary Emma Allen
Oct 17, 2020 at 7:22 pm
I agree, Kristen. I’ve even seen writers express the idea that they don’t need to proof their e-mails. “After all, that’s not serious writing.” However, just about any writing on the Internet might be seen by others. You never know who might be in that online group, chat group, or reading your blog. For a writer..maybe the editor who had expressed interest in your book. For a business owner…perhaps a customer.
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Oct 17, 2020 at 7:31 pm
[…] at Pimp Your Work has some good tips about writing e-mails in her post, 7 Ways to Make Your E-mails Unprofessional. She writes sort of “tongue in cheek,” but has some very valid points to make. I […]
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Celine
Oct 17, 2020 at 11:41 pm
Of course I agree with you both, Kristen and Mary Emma. It’s important for people to take email etiquette seriously, as if they were legal documents. Especially since email is treated like written and verbal content in the eyes of the law and is admissible in court.
Mike Lazear
Oct 18, 2020 at 11:05 pm
One other thing to consider is if you don’t plan on checking your e-mail much during the day, it’s a good idea to have an auto-reply set up that helps notify would-be e-mailers. Because I have a busy work life, I only have time to check e-mail once or twice per day. I’ll let business contacts know that if they send me an e-mail after 3pm, I likely will not receive it until the following day. Of course, it’s important to be courteous in your auto-reply, but you can also be more productive this way.
Celine
Oct 20, 2020 at 6:18 am
That’s a great tip, Mike. I’ll try to implement that since I try not to check my email on Sundays. (But for some reason, my clients refuse to take time off!)
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