How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way
Remember that big kid who would stomp on your sandcastles when you were 5 years old? Guess what, he graduated and moved into your office. Quite possibly next to your own cubicle. However, unlike sandbox politics, you can’t just cry and hope that your preschool teacher notices you. Here are some tips on how you can stop office bullies:
Identify bullies first. Sometimes, it’s hard for you to find out which people are bullying you. Maybe it’s because you think they’re your friends. Maybe their being subtle about it. According to a PDF from the Michigan Technological University, bullies behave like this:
- Distorts truth and reality
- Charming in public - two faced
- Blames others for errors
- Bullies tend to be insecure people
- A bully doesn’t want to hear the other side of the story
- Does not try to understand or get another’s point of view
- A bully needs to control people
- Makes inappropriate comments about appearance, lifestyle
- Takes credit for others’ work
If you know anyone who’s blaming you for their mistakes and taking credit for your work, they’re bullying you. Even if they are your “friends”.
In the heat of a bully’s aggression, keep your cool. If your bully starts being verbally abusive by calling you names, or he starts raising his voice. Just be still and silent for as long as you can possibly hold it. Things will escalate if you fall into his trap of aggression.
Know what to say. If you have some prepared statements to deal with your bully, you’ll be less nervous when he’s pushing you around or when you’re in direct confrontation. Keep your statements calm, composed, and free from aggression. Don’t say anything your bully would say. Try saying “I’m sorry, but I’m feeling a bit ill and can’t do this right now” or “You seem a bit tense, let’s just talk another time”. If you can’t figure out the words, you can simply walk away.
Get it documented. If you don’t have a witness, you can make a written report about the incident. Immediately send this report to your human resources department, or to the company counselor.
Report it. Speak to a colleague or manager about bullying incidents. You can also contact union representatives. You’ll find that most companies are willing to work on these incidents swiftly, even if technically, bullying isn’t illegal.
Don’t be an easy target. Quiet, passive personalities are the favorite targets of office bullies. Why? Because passive people give bullies the power they want. Don’t leave any expensive or significant objects lying around for your bully to find, either.
Have you ever been bullied in the workplace? If so, how did you deal with it?
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3 opinions for How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way
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Feb 17, 2008 at 6:56 pm
[…] artigo “How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way” explica maneiras de lidar com um dos piores tipos de personagens da fauna corporativa, na […]
Ben L
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:24 am
Hi Celine,
Thanks for the post and your great advice.
There’s a section in my book, “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” devoted to recognizing the stealth (subtle, covert) bullies at work and in your home life. You know; the manipulative, back-stabbing, critical, controlling, righteous, deceitful, verbally abusing, emotional intimidating bullies. There’s also a section on how to stop the self-bullying that keeps people from taking effective action to get the bullies out of their lives. You can find it at http://www.BulliesBeGone.Com.
Just because people smile and act polite and civil, doesn’t mean they’re friends. Make a list of what real friends do (not say) and you’ll readily discern your real friends.
My rule of thumb sounds like the same as yours: If you don’t resist bullies immediately, they won’t think you’re being kind our taking the moral high ground. They’ll think your giving them an invitation to grab for more.
Don’t waste you life staying in a hostile workplace you can’t change.
Best wishes,
Ben
Sarah
May 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm
My sister worked for a company in Arizona called 95° & Sunny and shared with me that the owners are the biggest setback of this company and are the cause of office gossip, bullying and horrible lack of respect for almost all of the employees except one which they also make clear to the other employees that she is their favorite. They give this one employee fancy vacations and pay raises that others don’t receive. This warehouse employee runs around the office when the owner is gone and indicates to everyone that their job is on the line and that she herself made the recommendation to the owner that she should get rid of the other office employees and hire her daughter run the office single handed while she does the order pulling and shipping. This behavior was reported to the owner and she thought it was humorous and indicated that everyone is expendable. This is just one small example of some of the things I have heard coming from this business. This kind of behavior is extremely unprofessional and keeps employees from functioning at 100%. This should not be tolerated at any level.
The moral in this company is very low due to the lack of respect for the employees which causes stress and a sense of hopelessness for all that work in this environment. The bad treatment of employees has also created a much higher than normal turn over rate and the loss of some very talented folks who were very sincere about the success of the company. In a couple of instances the owners would not tell and employee they were let go, they just kept telling them they didn’t have any work for them at that time. There are also continuous snide and hurtful remarks made to employees on a daily basis by the owners and the owner’s pet employee.
From a job security standpoint it is a very poor company to work for to say the least. The owners put no value at all in their employees and have a process that will demoralize the most competent worker to a point of depression. No matter how good of a job an employee does or how hard they work it is never good enough and this is the case with all employees that work for this company.
Because this is a small company there really isn’t much opportunity for advancement or growth. In all fairness however this company really does have some nice potential if the right folks with some people skills and business training could run it on a professional level without the childish antics.
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