How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way
Remember that big kid who would stomp on your sandcastles when you were 5 years old? Guess what, he graduated and moved into your office. Quite possibly next to your own cubicle. However, unlike sandbox politics, you can’t just cry and hope that your preschool teacher notices you. Here are some tips on how you can stop office bullies:
Identify bullies first. Sometimes, it’s hard for you to find out which people are bullying you. Maybe it’s because you think they’re your friends. Maybe their being subtle about it. According to a PDF from the Michigan Technological University, bullies behave like this:
- Distorts truth and reality
- Charming in public - two faced
- Blames others for errors
- Bullies tend to be insecure people
- A bully doesn’t want to hear the other side of the story
- Does not try to understand or get another’s point of view
- A bully needs to control people
- Makes inappropriate comments about appearance, lifestyle
- Takes credit for others’ work
If you know anyone who’s blaming you for their mistakes and taking credit for your work, they’re bullying you. Even if they are your “friends”.
In the heat of a bully’s aggression, keep your cool. If your bully starts being verbally abusive by calling you names, or he starts raising his voice. Just be still and silent for as long as you can possibly hold it. Things will escalate if you fall into his trap of aggression.
Know what to say. If you have some prepared statements to deal with your bully, you’ll be less nervous when he’s pushing you around or when you’re in direct confrontation. Keep your statements calm, composed, and free from aggression. Don’t say anything your bully would say. Try saying “I’m sorry, but I’m feeling a bit ill and can’t do this right now” or “You seem a bit tense, let’s just talk another time”. If you can’t figure out the words, you can simply walk away.
Get it documented. If you don’t have a witness, you can make a written report about the incident. Immediately send this report to your human resources department, or to the company counselor.
Report it. Speak to a colleague or manager about bullying incidents. You can also contact union representatives. You’ll find that most companies are willing to work on these incidents swiftly, even if technically, bullying isn’t illegal.
Don’t be an easy target. Quiet, passive personalities are the favorite targets of office bullies. Why? Because passive people give bullies the power they want. Don’t leave any expensive or significant objects lying around for your bully to find, either.
Have you ever been bullied in the workplace? If so, how did you deal with it?
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2 opinions for How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way
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Feb 17, 2008 at 6:56 pm
[…] artigo “How to stop office bullies, the bloodless way” explica maneiras de lidar com um dos piores tipos de personagens da fauna corporativa, na […]
Ben L
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:24 am
Hi Celine,
Thanks for the post and your great advice.
There’s a section in my book, “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” devoted to recognizing the stealth (subtle, covert) bullies at work and in your home life. You know; the manipulative, back-stabbing, critical, controlling, righteous, deceitful, verbally abusing, emotional intimidating bullies. There’s also a section on how to stop the self-bullying that keeps people from taking effective action to get the bullies out of their lives. You can find it at http://www.BulliesBeGone.Com.
Just because people smile and act polite and civil, doesn’t mean they’re friends. Make a list of what real friends do (not say) and you’ll readily discern your real friends.
My rule of thumb sounds like the same as yours: If you don’t resist bullies immediately, they won’t think you’re being kind our taking the moral high ground. They’ll think your giving them an invitation to grab for more.
Don’t waste you life staying in a hostile workplace you can’t change.
Best wishes,
Ben
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